she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
