Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
