He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
