Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
