Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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