Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
