You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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