Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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