My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
