YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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