I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
