i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
