He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
