If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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