She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
