Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
