the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
