you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
