I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
