Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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