remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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