We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
