I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
third nipple confirmed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
