Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
