do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
