Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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