I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's just like the Real World with babies
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't deserve a penis
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
