Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
