Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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