ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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