the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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