Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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