Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
