Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
