Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
