i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
