I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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