how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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