I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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