...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
