shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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