fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
