I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
