Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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