I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
