How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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