I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
