She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I love you. Go after that dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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