You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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