he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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