we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
