Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
