Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
