Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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