Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize