My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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