I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I touched a dick in church today
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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