Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
