It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
