Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need water and some morals
Randomize
