We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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