Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
