there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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