I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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