New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
