I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
