i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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