It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
