everyone is single if you try hard enough
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
