I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize