GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
