Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
